Slip sliding away…
Posted May 1, 2006 at 5:48 pm
Okay, maybe in hindsight, going to two happy hours the same day I gave up Diet Coke was a mistake. I did fine at happy hour #1 (ordered a virgin Mary), but wound up ordering a beer at happy hour #2.
Big mistake.
That one led to a second, and then on my way home, to the package store where I picked up a bottle of wine, which I polished off at home before calling in my order for Chinese takeout.
Alcohol is like pot for me. Have a little (or a lot), and then wind up eating everything in the house and then some.
I don’t know. Bad habits are kinda like really worn-out old jeans. You’re embarassed to be seen in public in them, but they are just so comfortable. At least initially, until a week later, and you remember why you didn’t like having your ass hang out of the worn spot in the back.
So here I am, a week later, and the “what the eff” effect has kicked in big time. I’m not particularly depressed, as I have every expectation I’ll get back on track. For one, the negative side effects have kicked in, like the back pain. I thought that was related to my weight or the size of my boobs, but it’s something else that’s clearly diet related (don’t know if it’s kidneys or colon, but something is rebelling).
What I don’t know is how much of the overeating is psychological and how much is physiological. Part of it has to do with the “one more day” phenomenon, where it’s like:
Oh, I know I feel like crap eating this way and all I need to do is eat the way I know how to, but golly gee, let’s work my way thru all the old foods I haven’t eaten and since I’m not going to be eating them tomorrow, let’s eat way more than I need to be satisfied.
I mean, well, duh!
But it has been interesting to me to see how my eating has really deteriorated over the week. At first, I was still having my really healthy meals for breakfast and lunch. I think I did that for several days. But by the end of last week, I was slipping earlier in the day.
For example, I really don’t know if if was physiological or psychological, but on Thursday, when I got to the cafeteria in the AM, they were out of oatmeal. Now, this has happened in the past. But whether healthy eating had strengthened my “immunity” for white foods, or whether I was just primed for a “what the eff,” this time, I didn’t ask the staff for more oatmeal, I went ahead and bought a bagel.
Now, I realize in the scheme of things, there’s not that much difference between oatmeal and a bagel (save for probably a big difference in nutrients and fiber). But that’s been the pattern.
So far, I have avoided going to the old faves (I haven’t yet ordered any Mickey Donalds yet). But I’m definitely playing fast and loose.
Today’s delicacy, which I picked up while on a cat food run, is Dare’s Maple Leaf Creme Cookies. Oh, are these good. I first tried these years ago after having picked them up in Toronto while on a conference. Pure sugar.
Anyways, like I said, I fully expect to be back on track by the end of the week. Or maybe not. We’ll see! But I thought it was better to be honest and not leave the impression that I was above food issues any more.
Maybe watching today’s Oprah will help!
Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I’m also back on Diet Coke :(. Yes Virginia, I will be giving it up, but I think it is a crutch that will help me get back to my healthy eating, so I’m back on the sauce. I think I’m going to avoid giving it up until after my vacation in early June (but I’m gonna try Amy’s trick of drinking a liter of water for each Diet Coke).
And now, as a total tangent, can I just say that I would really like to see Michael Eades and Joel Fuhrman in a steel cage deathmatch? I swear, if I came face to face with the Creator tomorrow, what I’d really want to know is whether saturated fat is good or bad for you.
May 1st, 2006 at 9:26 pm
Ooh, it is a slippery slope indeed. I’m treading lightly myself these days, and am determined not to s-l-i-d-e. But those cookies — I love myself some maple anything, and those look divine (glad they’re far, far away ….)
May 2nd, 2006 at 7:12 am
Bummer! All I can say is, set-backs happen to everyone and it’s not the end of the world or the end of the effort. From what I’ve read about people go through weaning themselves off diet soda, I have to assume there’s something addictive about it, and I’m not using that word lightly. Anytime you stop taking a substance like that, it’s going to have a big physical effect as well as a mental one. Maybe it will take a few tries to kick the habit, it certainly does for other things we know are addictive.
Here’s a bright spot: the longer you eat good food, the less appealing the crap food is. I find that I’ll *think* I want some frit0s or candy corn or whatever, but when I have some it’s a lot less delicious than I remembered and frequently the sugar and/or salt makes me physically ill the next day. So I’ve reached a point where I rarely even desire the crap, and that’s a great relief.
May 2nd, 2006 at 8:45 am
Beth, you’re such a muffin. (Oops, wrong choice of words.) The really important thing is that you are not depressed about your slip-up. As for Diet Coke, is there not a drink you like as much as DC but that doesn’t have the bad health effects?
As for overeating, I’m inclined to think that it’s at least 95% psychological—habit—just like which sleeve or shoe you put on first.
May 2nd, 2006 at 9:22 am
My opinion, not that you asked or anything, is that giving up Diet Coke was just too much of a sacrifice. Thus, the alcohol reward, which led to the food reward.
And what Marla said, too.
May 2nd, 2006 at 12:56 pm
Thanks all for your kind comments! Maybe this will work out like it did for an old college buddy of mine who was a vegetarian. Every six months or so, he’d go with us to the Hilltop Steak House (north of Boston…an institution) and order a big steak. The pain he felt afterward was always enough to remind him why he chose to go veggie :).
Anyways, I made it thru lunch, so we’ll see how the rest of the day goes!
May 2nd, 2006 at 1:15 pm
I was reading a biography recently of F. Scott Fitzgerald, legendary writer and serious alcoholic. The biographer was just speculating, and based on what knowledge I don’t know, but he said that the reason Fitzgerald took to drink so quickly and thoroughly was because of what it physiologically did to his blood sugar. When Fitzgerald was off booze, or trying to cut back, he would drink Coca Cola. Sometimes as many as 12 bottles of Coke a day. And eat candy.
So, maybe the physiological aspect of your slip has something to do with the way your body reacted to that sugar in the alcohol. It wanted more, more, more. So the cookies and the white flour.
I used to be a big drinker myself. And I know that when I was hungover, I craved carbs to make myself feel better. I’d eat a bagel, or some pasta, and would feel better for a little while, but then that would wear off, and the crappy hangover feeling would seep back, and then I’d eat something else.
Lots of water. Take a walk outside if you can. And hang in there, Beth.
May 2nd, 2006 at 2:43 pm
Interesting point LME. I like the scene in that addiction movie with Sandra Bullock (28 Days?) where her heroin-addicted roommate is making due with gobs and gobs of candy. There’s something to all this!
May 7th, 2006 at 7:41 pm
I love your bad habits/old jeans analogy. Brilliant!