By the way, that surgery is not the universal panacea it’s made out to be. What it does is, it closes off most of the stomach, so the patient has very little room for food in there; in other words, it leaves her with no choice but to eat less. Much less. But by very gradually increasing her food intake, she can stretch her stomach right back out to where it was, and gain the weight back. There are three women where I work who are in this process right now.

Remember the old “Bloom County” strip? Opus is watching TV and Oprah says “Eat less and exercise more. Honey, there just ain’t another way.” Darn it. And we can all sympathize with Opus when he says “Oh, hush up, Oprah!” But we still gotta eat less and exercise more. Poo.

I don’t think you have to change the feelings you have. I don’t think I have to, either. But I do think I need to think about them, and why they’re there, and what part they play in my emotional constellations. That kind of self-knowledge is another way I take care of myself.

I am very frustrated by my inability to meet you where you are. And since an email of mine wound up pissing you off to the point you had to wait and calm down before responding, I had decided to stop discussing it with you since I hated to be the cause of pain like that. And after reading the statement you wrote in your blog, I unsubscribed; I don’t want to be hurt either.

As I said before, I don’t see how to go forward; I think this has to be a situation of “agreeing to disagree.” I have heard what you and Fat Girl said. And while I’d like to be more sensitive, I cannot change the feelings that I have.

I am happy about not being 375 anymore. I am happy about all the things that have changed in my life since I lost weight. And it makes me happy to think that someone else who is a compulsive overeater and/or 200 lbs overweight might read my blog and think that there is an option other than dieting or weight loss surgery that might work for them.

Finally, I apologize for not linking to your post. I actually meant well. It’s not like your average reader here is troll-like, but I thought to spare you any traffic that might create unwanted discussion on your site. Anyways, here’s a link to the original post.

I don’t believe there is a “bias against weight loss.” I think there is a bias in favor of weight loss, and an uneasiness surrounding weight loss, and mostly a tremendous, tremendous charge that radiates off all things weight loss-related. So with that first addressed, I think—yes, I think there is the cultural idea that if everyone, theoretically, can choose to “get the gastric,” then those of us who don’t are lazy cowards and gluttons, that we don’t want to deal with the pain and the giving up of Big Macs and pints of ice cream. I think many (note that I don’t say all, and I didn’t in my post either—which I’ll also note is largely unrelated to what I said here) fat activists are sensitive to that idea and are concerned about the prevalence of bariatric surgery in light of what it does to the meaning of fatness. But “offense” and “defense”? I’m not sure what you’re asking. These are the struggles of early-days activist movements. We’re all trying to figure it out. I don’t think anyone is working in bad faith. I understand that you may feel attacked for your choice. I think there is room in fat acceptance for people who are moving towards coming to terms with their bodies—I’m one of them—but that effort has to be genuine. I don’t want a fat acceptance movement in which everyone secretly wants to be thin, you know?

[weight loss surgery] makes fatness a choice, and a lot of fat activists are devoted to fighting that idea

Why? Because if it’s a choice for some, it necessarily must be a choice for all? How much of the bias against weight loss is due to appearances of perpetuating stereotypes and how much is due to a perceived threat to a core belief of some of its adherents?

Is this a question of the best defense is a good offense?

When I choose to lose weight, I am giving in to social pressures that fat-political activism devotes itself to defying.

Of course, for me—and for all the eating-disordered amongst us—and perhaps for everyone—it is more complicated than that. I lost the weight I lost not “on a diet,” but through treatment for my eating disorder and focusing on stabilizing my eating habits. It was self-care. And some fairly substantial weight loss resulted. Can that be okay? I think it can. On the other hand, I have to own up to the fact that something in me says “more.” Something in me wants really, really badly to wear a size 10 instead of a 20. I think I would be prettier, more successful. And that is an anti-fat impulse. In systems of privilege, we can either try to get access to the privilege that we have been denied, or we can try to short-circuit the system. I still want “thin privilege.” I don’t blame other people for wanting it too. It is both seductive and actually, pragmatically meaningful. But wanting it and seeking it for oneself, and theoretically gaining it and using it—those things do sell out fat politics.

I don’t think this means we have to actively choose NOT to lose weight, although some may, and I think that’s okay. I think it means that we have to MEAN IT when we say (and a lot of the time we say it without meaning it, just like the teenage actresses who say they just wanted to “feel healthier”) that what we are doing is process-, not goal-oriented. We have to want to take care of our fat bodies because we, and they, are deserving of care. If that makes them thinner bodies, okay. But it’s quite another thing to set out to make them thinner bodies by any means necessary.

Have I been at all clear?

I prefer to belong to the “Positive Body Image” club, which I define as loving and appreciating one’s body in all its various forms. Our bodies change constantly throughout our lives; wouldn’t it be silly to think we’re only worthy of esteem when we’re 8 lbs 6 oz? Or only when we’re 3′6″? Or only when we weigh 375 pounds, only 120 pounds, only when our hair turns gray, only when we start or stop menstruating? There’s not one ideal body for any one person, not even throughout one life. I think the FA groups have too much of a bias against the idea of changing one’s body, when obviously our bodies change all the time. Doing it deliberately is not inherently wrong. Athletes do it all the time.

BTW, Paul Ernsberger (a health-at-any-size researcher) just sent around a link to an old article re the Flegal study (which showed that there was lower risk of mortality for overweight folks).

Note this point (emphasis mine):

Looking solely at mortality in a representative sample of Americans, government researchers reported that more deaths appeared at the two extremes. It’s bad to be too thin, and it’s bad to be extremely obese.

My starting weight was 375; my starting BMI was 66. I grant that we don’t yet know whether or not healthy weight loss (that occurs as a result of removing disordered behavior and/or increasing healthier behaviors) will lessen the risk of death that is corrolated with extreme obesity. But it’s my body, and I reserve the right to try and improve both my quality and length of life by trying to get out of the “extremely obese” category.

However, as I’ve said before, I have no illusions I’m going to wind up being Heidi Klum. I expect that where I’m going to wind up will still qualify me as “obese” (BMI higher than 30). So yeah, I think I can still care about fat politics, as I could still wind up being discriminated against (I’m particularly concerned about health insurance costs and access as the “war on obesity” ramps up).

So, I personally wouldn’t call it “intellectual dishonesty.” But I get it. I don’t have the right qualifications for the club, so I’m not welcome as a member. Okay, no problem. I just gotta find another club!