Comments on: Food and fat (part 3)

By: Meira Voirdire

Meira Voirdire — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 15:34:29 +0000

Hi Beth!
I came over via Tish/Fatshadow and I just wanted to applaud your thoughtfulness towards others opinions. I have a lot more thoughts but I can’t seem to articulate them. You’ll just have to trust me that it was all very complimentary, lol. ;o)

By: Beth

Beth — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 14:15:18 +0000

Thanks for the analogy, neca. I hadn’t meant to imply any similarities between personal physical aspects and work benefits, the “a ha” I had was how differently I treated personal interactions from what I write here. Lots of people I work with are struggling to lose weight. Some of them have come to me to talk about it, and you know, I would never have gone on about “finding my lap” with any of them, for as you say, that would be cruel. But I didn’t even give it a thought before posting it here.

Also, Tish’s comments help me realize that, even if it isn’t my intent, sometimes comments like my “finding my lap” can help reinforce the “you’re no good unless you lose weight” stereotype. And that’s not at all what I believe!

By: neca

neca — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 13:52:06 +0000

I liked your analogy about your friend and the fact that “rubbing her face” in a benefit she can’t use would be cruel. But I think this case is a bit different.

Here’s a different analogy: You are preganant and you know your friend is desperately trying. Going to lunch and going on and on about your excitement, nursery colors, etc would be cruel. Writing joyfully about YOUR pregnancy on YOUR blog is not cruel. If a woman is desperately trying, then she probably shouldn’t read your blog as she would find it hurtful.

For every thing that happens to you that you perceive as good, there is someone who is wanting in that area. Should we never celebrate our joys? What a grey, sovietesque world that sounds like to me.

By: Henry

Henry — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 06:22:55 +0000

Blocked out of the fat acceptance site. But of course. You can actually take joy in feeling better because you’re controlling your overeating? HERETIC! YOU WILL BURN! :)

By: Wendy

Wendy — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 03:43:01 +0000

Beth, my take on this is that you were jubilant not about having lost weight, but about having gained a lap! these two things do happen to be related, but they are still separate! very separate. so for you to have had a frustrating experience before from not having a lap, and to now be freed from that frustration, by having gained a lap – that’s something pretty different than being about fat (whether it’s fat acceptance or fat loss).

or, who the hell knows, maybe I’m the bull in the china shop today. no bad intentions, though, for what that’s worth.

By: Beth

Beth — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 03:39:08 +0000

My quest is for health. I am all about a healthy relationship to food, eating, and my body.

If I’m being honest, though, I must admit that I’m pretty happy with the weight loss associated with that, as I found being 375 very painful, both physically and emotionally. The good news, to me, is that I got here from a position of health, not from some artificial, forced dieting. And I believe that I will be content at whatever weight I settle at given non-disordered eating.

By the way, I never meant to imply that my lap is better than yours, and I really am sorry if my post was hurtful, regardless of intent. But as I said, the reason I was happy had only to do with me, and with how I felt badly about myself years ago. I grant you that my relationship with my nieces and nephew wasn’t significantly harmed by my lack of a lap when they were toddlers, but I was sad about it at the time.

By: Tish

Tish — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 03:21:45 +0000

I’ve never tried to maintain weigh loss. Or weight for that matter. I make food choices based on how they feel. Too many carbs give me a stomach ache and that is no doubt owing to how my particular body deals with carbs. I don’t have trouble believing that some people have neurobiological responses to carbs. And I support your quest for a way to eat that feels good to you.
But, is it weight loss you’re trying to maintain? Or a healthy relationship to food, eating and your body? I can imagine you might say both. And that too is your prerogative. But they don’t always go hand in hand.
I still really like the analogy about your friend and the vacation time. But there is a subtle difference. I like my belly. I don’t feel like your lap is better than my belly. My reaction of hurt is to the idea that you seem to think it is. If I’m wrong about that then I apologize.

By: Beth

Beth — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 23:34:59 +0000

Tish, thanks for your thoughtful comments! You’re more than welcome to respond here or on your blog…you’re still in my aggregator, so I’ll see you either way. It’s not so much that I don’t want to participate in the discussion, but other than your blog, I seem to either be shut out (like on BFB) or I push someone’s buttons and they respond in a pretty nasty fashion. I’m a big believer in the concept of “energy in” = “energy out” and there’s just too much negative energy in some of the places I’ve been.

Anyways, I understand your reluctance to read all about carbs, but for me, that is the thing I’m most interested in, since I believe that part of the inability of people who want to maintain a weight loss and are unable to do so is due to neurochemistry related to diet.

Maybe it’s wishful thinking, and I am open to that being bunk, but honestly, I think there’s a pony in there :).

By: Tish

Tish — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 23:09:52 +0000

Perfect analogy! Of course you’re happy about getting any benefit in life. And I wouldn’t want to take that away from you. I would never say that you should not celebrate your successes as you define them. But you get that when and where and how much can be hurtful. Ya know, I wouldn’t have ever read your blog if you didn’t have some sense of the negative stigmatizing of fat people. You’re a good writer and a thoughtful person. But I’m not likely to read a blog that goes on and on about carbs and counters and so forth. It’s part of the thing I work so hard to challenge.
But the great (and also problematic) thing about blogging is that everyone gets to have their place. This is your place. You should write what you want to write.
Your fat may have contributed to your fibroids. I don’t know. But do thin women get fibroids? Could dieting have contributed to them?
I’m reluctant to go on with my fat positive thoughts on your blog especially since you say don’t want to participate in the conversation. I may write a post in response to what you’ve written here. My blog is my personal blog and you are always welcome to comment there if you want to but I am reticent to bring my rap into the comments of a blog which clearly supports weight loss as a goal. Healthy eating as a goal. Great! Healthy movement as a goal. Great! Weight loss? I have issues. I think women (and men) should do what ever they want to do to be healthy. Celebrating weight loss is giving in to a fat hating culture. It’s a subtle distinction and one that I think you get.