Slip sliding away
Posted December 7, 2005 at 3:58 pm
You may have guessed it, but I’ve been a bit quiet because I’ve been struggling. And heaven forbid I should come clean and admit that I’m not so perfect.
Boy, travel really screws me up every time. My Thanksgiving wasn’t a horror, but I did indulge. And driving home on Saturday, I decided, what the heck. I can get back on plan on Sunday. Then on Sunday, I did okay in the AM, but by dinner, it was, well, why not start on Monday instead?
Of course, by Monday, it was well, you know, if I start back on December 1st, I’ll start fresh in a new month, plus I have choir that night, so I’ll be less likely to go nuts. Well, I skipped choir, and went nuts again.
Okay, goody, I’ve got the weekend coming up, and I have plans for both Saturday and Sunday nights. No going nuts. And I did great on Saturday and Sunday. But on Monday (the 5th), we were getting ready for our first snow, and hey, what’s one more day?
I have plans for tonight and tomorrow, so here I am again. Gee, if I can make it 48 hours, the healthy eating will kick in, and the insanity will stop.
I was feeling great this morning, and thru lunch. I’ve had my healthy snack, and still, the voice is back. “Oh, wouldn’t it be great to indulge just one more day?”
Well, not really, it wouldn’t. I wake up at 3AM and can’t get back to sleep because I feel like crap. It would actually be really great to get back to where it was easy, where I didn’t have to give it too much thought.
I’ve long held that a major, major part of this kind of struggle is physiological. It’s not all long-held emotional issues. I managed to have three months of nearly perfect eating with the same issues I have now. So my theory is that a lot of my difficulty is related to all the biochemical stuff that is now out of whack after two weeks of excess sugar, starch, and alcohol. And you’d think I could just get back on track by doing without these for at least the three or four days it seems to take before the chemistry mellows out again.
I recall reading that some people have successfully used amino acids to help with this. I’ve ordered the book mentioned (The Diet Cure) and will see if has anything interesting that isn’t already covered by Kathleen DesMaisons at Radiant Recovery.
The good news is that I’m not beating myself up about this. Really. It wasn’t so long ago that things were going swimmingly, and I have confidence that I’ll get back there. I also know that great heaping doses of shame and guilt just really won’t help me get back on track.
What I need is to figure out what will get me through three days in a row. I know that if I can make it 72 hours, this craziness will likely be gone. I’m not sure what it is about hour 22 or so that makes it so damn hard.
December 7th, 2005 at 4:15 pm
Hi,
I just stumbled onto your site doing a google search for school–the Victorian “angel in the house” ideology. Anyway, you’re a fantanstic writer, and you’re doing a fantastic job. Keep up the good work! You’ll win this fight in small moments, not in the big ones that come on Monday mornings or on the first of each month. Believe me, I struggle too. But when I remember that, it really helps me understand that yes, even though I’ve eaten too much today, it is a victory to have a healthy dinner. Fighting the “all or nothing” mentality has been extraordinarily difficult for me, and reminding myself that this moment, when I’m reaching into the fridge for a carton of ice cream, is one of those moments in which I can either prove to myself that I’ve changed, or that I haven’t. You can do this! You’re doing this already. Keep up the great work, you are truly an inspiration.
Sara
December 7th, 2005 at 4:55 pm
I know under the South Beach Diet this is the time you’d go back into Phase I to ‘detox’ yourself so to speak. Cut out all the carbs etc. It’s kind of rough to do. The only thing I can think of is to throw out all the bad food in your house so you can’t get it and avoid any places that serve it if you can, though you probably already know that. Good luck! If you did it once you can do it again.
December 7th, 2005 at 6:36 pm
It can be so hard to get back into it. I just went through a phase like that. As much as I hate the term, sometimes I find I have to use that willpower - just saying no to myself.
December 7th, 2005 at 7:58 pm
The holidays are a rough time, but you’re heading in the right direction to “white knuckle” it for a few days until you get your natural motivation back.
December 8th, 2005 at 8:19 am
One things that really helps me is to blog consistently through the holidays! There are a few people that read my blog daily - I count on that. Like having your WW leader see your weight, putting my eating out there helps me get back up when I’ve fallen down.
December 8th, 2005 at 10:17 am
Thanks everyone for your support! I don’t know if it was the act of coming clean (and thus off-loading the guilt for seeming to be dishonest) or starting to do some glutamine between meals, but I’m feeling much better today. Making it over that first hurdle really seems to be the hardest part. Thanks again!!
December 28th, 2005 at 7:47 am
The big morale killer is guilt. That really uses up a lot of psychic energy. I know it sounds simplistic to say but if you could somehow find a way to make a habit of eating the way you hope to eat for the rest of your life, the guilt would evaporate. It does take practise and determination, among other things. I wish you all the best, Beth.